


devil's little tax deduction

by Oshii



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Morning Sickness, Mpreg, Vomiting, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 22:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17775410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oshii/pseuds/Oshii
Summary: In which Dr. Linda is a practicing obstetrician instead of a psychiatrist, and Lucifer visits her for some correspondingly appropriate therapy. (i.e. - to see if his harebrained scheme actually worked). AU!Lucifer, mpreg, crack, emeto.





	devil's little tax deduction

**Author's Note:**

> okay SO, remember back in season 2 when they investigate a homicide at that super prestigious super snooty private school and lucifer wants to learn how to control his emotions but needs a motive for an interview and he’s like “i’ve got it! I need to have a child!” talking about taking Trixie? well, naturally, MY sick ass was like “OMG MPREG LUCIFER LET’S GO”.

“All right, Lucifer,” she proclaimed, withdrawing the transducer and replacing it with a fresh towel. “Everything looks great.” The calm professionalism exuded in her tone was only present after several moments of deep breathing and introspective reminders of the crazy shit Lucifer was, after all, capable of. Her hands barely even shook anymore as she cleaned off her equipment.

He blew out a breath she didn’t realize he’d been holding and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Bloody fucking  _finally_ ,” he declared. “I never realized how  _long_  these things took. Could have warned me before I threw down that last dram.”

She gave him a knowing look, only slightly peppered with vexation. “You were informed about the necessity of a full bladder during the procedure. And I highly doubt you were able to  _throw down a dram_.” She smirked and continued wiping the gel off her transducer. “ _Throw up_  was probably more like it. Liar.”

He paused in wiping the gel off his own exposed stomach to glare at her, although it lacked some of its usual venom. “I am many things, Doctor, but a  _liar_ , I am not. And you know this.” His self-aggrandizing was interrupted by a gulp and a sudden low moan, and he shifted uncomfortably…in preparation.

Linda eyed him warily. “You okay?”

He swallowed audibly, pressing his mouth in firm resolution and giving her a quick nod. “Mmhm. Yes, I – just contending with the nausea, is all.”

“I can give you something for that,” she suggested gently. “Have you eaten yet today? I know it’s probably the last thing on your mind, but a little something on the stomach will help.”

“No, I have not  _eaten_ ,” he snapped, voice clipped with restraint as his face whitened further. His lips pursed, and his squirming intensified, a hand drifting up to cover his mouth.

“Here,” Dr. Linda blurted, hurriedly diving down and snatching up the trash can. “Here you go.”

He convulsed, grappling for the receptacle, and bent over to heave up a mouthful of stomach acid. Empty as he was, his stomach continued to clench for several moments, prompting a few successive dry heaves that caused Linda to cringe, her own stomach twisting sympathetically. She couldn’t resist reaching out and resting her hand on his shoulder during this process, wanting to offer him some much-needed comfort. Her thumb even rubbed a few small circles into the fabric of his undershirt.

Finished at last, Lucifer drew in a ragged breath, blinking away tears. “Doctor, I’m…so sorry,” he choked out, fumbling for the Kleenex she handed him and bringing it up to his mouth, blushing furiously beneath closed eyes .

“Nothing I haven’t seen before,” she reassured him, daring to offer a consolatory back rub. “I’m pretty used to pregnant women puking on my exam table.”

He managed to lift his lids and muster up a glare, fingers twitching around the tissue. “Among the list of things I am not – liar included,” he muttered, clearing his throat, “a  _woman_  is also decidedly on that list.”

He sniffed and pushed up onto an elbow, easing up into a sitting position. “I’m merely doing what must be done, and if that entails subjecting myself to these… _horrors_  of anatomical necessity, than so be it.”

Dr. Linda nodded, mouth pressed into a thin and nervous line. She eyed the emesis bin. “Are you finished, or do you need to hang onto that?”

His eyes closed again, and the Kleenex went back up to his mouth. Beneath the bright exam room lights, his face whitened, glistening with a fresh sheen of sweat.  “Best…not to tempt fate,” he decided stiffly. 


End file.
